To give us a sense of certainty, many of us like to feel that we have things under control, such as our safety, our income, our relationships, etc.
To have a level of comfort that things are under control, for example, I like our house to be clean, orderly and in good repair.
If things are out of control, I am outside of my comfort zone. I had to learn through my experience that we can get into situations where trying to keep things under our control, we can make it worse.
Sometimes we like to force a situation to go our way instead of stepping back and letting situations play out.
I remember a situation where my wife and I were on our way to the airport in Knoxville, Tennessee to catch a flight to Atlanta, from where we would connect to a flight going to Florida. Leaving our subdivision, my wife looked at the flight itinerary and realized that the time she thought we would leave Knoxville was the time we were supposed to arrive in Atlanta. So, we were late for the first leg of the flight. I knew then that this was a big test of my attitude, which I had to pass. In this moment, I had no control over the flight departing from Knoxville to Atlanta, but I had to control my thoughts and emotions and not let the frustration get the better of me. I knew that if I did not pass this test, we would certainly not make it down to Florida to attend the opening night of the Feast of Tabernacles that evening. Also, it would have just added stress to my wife, who made an honest mistake, but could not do anything in the situation to fix it. But she did what she normally does in a situation like that: she prayed. I decided that I would not get upset with my wife. So, we got to the airport in Knoxville, caught the next flight to Atlanta and guess what, the plane to Florida was still standing there. But we were bumped off that flight, because we missed the first leg of our trip and the flight was overbooked. I talked with the attendant in the boarding area asking to put us on the waiting list, gently trying to get her sympathy as we had our little, not quite two-year old son with us. Long story short, we were the last three people who walked onto that plane.
The point is this, being a hard-nosed control freak, who wants to get his way, would not have helped the situation. It would have made it only stressful, exhausting and embarrassing for everybody. Allowing my frustrations to consume me would not have served me or anybody else. And chances are we would have never made it to Florida that evening. This was clearly a test of my attitude.
In situations like that it helps to remember the admonition of the Apostle James: “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.“ [James 1:2]. Instead of being frustrated, we can look at each situation as a learning and testing opportunity.
And even if we do miss a flight, who knows, there may be a reason and a purpose. Learning to trust that things will work out, even when they do not work out the way we expected, we can rest in the assurance “…that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to [His] purpose.”
[Rom 8:28]
The one thing we need to learn to control is ourselves. Not circumstances, not other people, not the weather. There are many things beyond our control. We all know that we cannot control the wind and the weather, but we can control, how we set the sail. We can control how we respond to each challenging situation.
I know this is common sense, but unfortunately not so common practice. And I am one who continuously needs to remind himself of that, as it is not natural for me to give up control. When you think about it, the more we are in control of our emotions, the more we are respected by other people. The more we are respected, the more influence we have. Having a positive influence usually yields much better results than our attempts to control. The more we practice controlling ourselves, the more our influence will grow. Then a lot more things will go the way we hope them to go without being manipulative and unpleasant to be around for other people.